Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Someone came in the potted fern
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
