I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize