Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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