His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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