I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
