guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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