Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
