found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A bitchslap is in order.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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