His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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