the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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