I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
