i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
