I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
