i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
MIDGETS
????
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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