ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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