Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
