I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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