At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
