He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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