I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
