I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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