he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I just put wine in my tea
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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