Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
