Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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