Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
