last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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