We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
