and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
