I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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