I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize