He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
