You're my little dorito
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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