ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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