Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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