it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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