remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize