Sponge bath it is.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
