wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
