yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
