im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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