I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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