i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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