Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Damn victory sex feels great
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
