Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
