He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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