# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
