After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
