You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Two words: blizzard sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
