We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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