we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
