My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
