Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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