I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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