The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
