I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
