tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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