I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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