Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
