i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
