At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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