So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
