Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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