When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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