So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
