I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
