Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize