when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
