Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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