So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone shit on the floor
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
