if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
