lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
