The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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