I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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