We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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