Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
