This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
