mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
