WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
