hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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