Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
