I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The adults are the big ones right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
