is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm like, not good at living.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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