wrigley field is MILF paradise
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
